A Reflection of You
It takes strength to be able to step outside of ourselves, our beliefs, current practices, and perspectives, and to find ourselves in another being. To love and truly accept others for who they are, through and through, rather than what we've conditioned ourselves to believe they should be, is one of the purest forms of love, both for ourselves and others. True acceptance. Unconditional love.
To maintain a connection with another being without projecting our current beliefs, wants, and desires and simply experiencing the experience is key to building life-long connections. Knowing that no one and nothing in this life is ours to own, though I believe all is divine, I also believe that we have the power to shape our reality entirely and risk losing the things we manifest by at times, clinging too tightly. Let me explain better…
"If you love a flower, don't pick it up."
~ OSHO
Many of us have come across this quote/expression, or "if you love someone, let them go.", these simple phrases hold so much meaning not only in regards to love but to everything in reality. Being able to accept things as is and not feeling the need to judge or classify them is something we should all strive for. Knowing that judgment immediately creates separation, making whatever and whomever we're judging outside of us, thus depriving us of the opportunity to allow people and situations to bring us clarity and a greater understanding of the intended lesson.
I believe everything in this life can teach us something if we decide to look at it as such, but when judging, we lose that opportunity. The blame game is a popular one, and in truth, the things we choose to see and focus on within others aren't always about the other person, situation, or experience, but at times merely a reflection of how we perceive ourselves.
Meaning, that the attributes and characteristics we tend to attract to, love, and admire within others are what we love, admire, and are drawn to within ourselves. The same goes for ego, judgment, blame, etc. I like to think of it as a spiritual attraction. Like attracts like. Other people's behavior, the opportunities we attract, and the situations we find ourselves in are often a great test for us to look at our own self-awareness, actions, and reactions. We are typically most irritated when behaviors mirror a micro-habit of our own, especially ones that we may often struggle to overcome or even deny experiencing within ourselves at all. Another part of this that helps us understand why we react so strongly to some versus others isn't hard to grasp at all. It's simple. Because most of the time when our conscious minds are avoiding our own flaws, they still want to be dealt with on a deeper level, so we magnify those traits in others/situations, whether it be good or bad.
The real trigger begins when the way someone sees themselves mirrors the way we see ourselves because when this occurs, the behaviors they engage in resonate within us. We take it on. We recognize our own worst impulses and begin to react from there, even if it is unintentional. We are naturally very empathetic people, and a large part of our motivation in judging others is rooted in how we assess our own lives, thoughts, and emotions. Specifically, when we get the urge to judge, that urge comes from something that we see in other people subconsciously reminds us of something we haven't quite healed or dealt with within ourselves. It's quite unpopular to engage in healthy self-reflection and have those uncomfortable conversations, even if and when it is with oneself.
"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness in other people."
~ Carl Jung
Looking outside is a much easier task. We can point fingers at the other person, outline their failings easily, and then be at peace thinking we've gained clarity, comfortably knowing that the culprit has been identified! And on the other hand, we might be right—our problem may very well be the other person. It may be us realizing the behaviors of others and how they've mistreated us so badly, or it feels that things are constantly testing us. But what if by engaging in healthy self-questioning, we could identify obstacles and better control our judgment and irritation, or love and admiration that we're so attracted to within or about others?
Where do we start?
Be someone worth attracting, someone worth loving, and be both a friend and lover too. Stop projecting, reflecting, and judging. The moment you find yourself judging someone, stop yourself in thought completely and wish them well, send them love. By doing so, we heal—because let's face it, hurt people hurt people. And those that are truly happy within and love themselves are happy and find love within others. We see life through a lighter lens. And it's simple, we can't pour from an empty cup. We have to first be committed to our own self-love and development, be both a lover and friend to self first, then we'll be able to properly extend and mirror the things that we hope to attract within others. Because though we may not be able to control another, we can start by controlling ourselves and stop looking to others to solve our problems, make them whole, and give them such a large meaning in our lives. Knowing that in any situation, we can:
Become Still
Allowing clarity to bring us more discernment, identifying our role and what we've allowed, the things we've said, and done throughout the exchange in our relations, taking charge of our unwanted situations, and stopping judging others. Knowing that the other is myself. Once, I read that our brains are wired to make automatic judgments about others' behaviors so that we can move through the world without spending so much time and energy on understanding everything we see as if that's an issue… When in truth, we all could slow down a bit and have those uncomfortable conversations with others and ourselves and ask self-reflecting questions like:
What's my role in my problems?
How could I address things differently to gain different results?
Why does this situation/person have so much effect/control over my emotions?
What do I most judge/love about others?
What is this here to teach me?
Release
By letting go of who we think we are and who we've conditioned ourselves to believe that others should be, look, and act like, overall we have the power of becoming an overall better judge of character so that we do attract people and situations we can accept as they are or not at all. We can avoid repeating the cycles and make room for the people and opportunities that resonate with us and that we feel are deserving.
We can start by being more appreciative and compassionate of the world around us for what it is, rather than trying to fit it into our optics and what we think things should be. We release 'should' and allow what is—to bring us clarity. We start by being grateful for those in tune with our frequency, simply thankful even just for the experience, and we reflect and heal and serve as mirrors and reminders that on the deepest level of our existence, we are one.
p.s. love, niña ❀
References
Hall, D. E. (2018). Assistant Professor of Communication at Michigan State University and director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab.
DECEMBER 29, 2021
